The Top 5 Reasons to Date a Girl With a Eating Disorder

November 19th, 2013 by

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Nothing screams white-girl problems louder than a good old-fashioned eating disorder.* But they’re more than that. Eating disorders have been—quite appropriately—declared a luxury reserved for only the most privileged members of the female race. In other words, the presence of one of the classic eating disorders is a reliable predictor of various socio-economic, cultural, and personality traits in a young woman–features that, in the end, are desirable to today’s American man. In a world where the “retail price” on the typical Western woman continues to skyrocket—while their quality continues its precipitous decline—there are some real gems to be found in the bargain bin.

I’ve dated several girls with eating disorders—in various intensities—and all of these traits have applied to each of them.

*While obesity is, in most cases, also an “eating disorder,” this list doesn’t apply to emotional eaters, food addicts, and fatties with no self control.

1. Her obsession over her body will improve her overall looks.

A girl who spends inordinate mental and physical energy on her looks is rarely fat. If you were to get into a long-term relationship with one of these girls, she’s also less likely to become complacent about her physique over time. Girls like this are usually deft at properly dressing their body type, which translates into a more stylish girl overall. And, because cheap clothing lines—like H&M—are shaped with straight cuts that are less labor-intensive and therefore more inexpensive, they look good in even the cheapest of shit. While they may have a “distorted body image” on the inside, that usually means staying trim and fit on the outside. Let’s not forget that fatties too, in the majority of cases, have a “distorted body image,” but in the unattractive direction.

2. She costs less money.

You can go out to nice restaurants and order take-out with the confidence that your expense on her will be minimal. In most cases, she’ll get a small dish–like a side salad–or just eat a little bit of whatever communal dishes you order. If you’re a hungry bastard, you can even finish off her plate. “Are you going to finish that?”

3. She’s fragile and vulnerable.

The case has repeatedly and persuasively been made that an inflated ego and an unearned high self-esteem are among the most unattractive traits in a girl. You-go-girlist “confidence”—grounded in little more than years of being told she’s a unique and special snowflake for no other reason than she was born female—renders a woman into an insufferable turd who thinks the world revolves around her.

An eating disorder often translates into the direct opposite: a girl who’s modest, fragile, and vulnerable. Instead of having to constantly wrestle with a difficult and obnoxious girl, you’ll be dealing with a tastefully insecure girl, who’s eager to please, and wants nothing more than your approval. She’s quick to apologize for transgressions, and will make the extra effort to see you–instead of flaking on you constantly. This level of vulnerability often brings out the best in men, whose protector instinct can’t help but get activated.

4. Probably has money of her own.

They aren’t too many poor girls with eating disorders. These girls come from money, and often continue to wield that spending power right into their adulthoods. Her instinct to please you will translate into her picking up tabs, coming to your door not empty-handed, or buying you little gifts.

5. She’s better in bed.

It’s a well-known fact that crazy girls are exceptional in the sack. A girl with an eating disorder has just the right cocktail of pent-up insecurity, neuroses, and daddy issues to ensure that your whole building knows every time you’re beating it up.

Say what you will, a girl with a mild-to-moderate eating disorder—that hasn’t excessively marred her appearance—is today’s best-buy in the West’s rapidly plummeting dating market.

Ladies, this is why you should have sex on the first date.

November 18th, 2013 by

 

Ladies – we’ve all heard it before: every woman’s magazine, all your girlfriends and every dating site have always been adamant about one rule of dating – no sex on the first date. Even Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger, is strict about the rule “no sex without monogamy.”

You know Patti Stanger is still single, right?

I’m here to tell you to ignore what everyone says and go ahead and bang him on the first date. How do I know? Well, nearly all my long-term relationships have stemmed from giving it up on date one – including my now husband.

Sexually compatible

From a girl who has slept with countless amounts of men, and a few ladies – I know from doing my research that it’s difficult to find a good lay nowadays. We are all into different things in bed, and if he has a really f*cked up fetish like symorophilia, mucophilia or plushophilia – trust me, you want to find this out straight away and get the f*ck out of there. And if you didn’t really have a good time on your date, but you find him really ridiculously hot, the sex might be amazing and boom: you’ve found yourself a new f*ck-buddy!

Penis size

I don’t know about you, but when I’m interested in a man, my mind usually goes towards the issue of size: the size of his wallet and also the size of his penis. Sure, every guy probably thinks that he’s huge, but ladies – we know that the majority of men are average at best. So, before you invest any of your valuable spare time in this man, it’s advantageous for you to meet his penis – and the sooner, the better.

How disappointed would you be if you dated this man for weeks, invested weekends where you forwent hanging out in the Hamptons with your girlfriends getting white girl wasted, only to discover that your potential boyfriend has a weird, bendy dick, is an uncircumcised sharpei, or has a penis the size of a cocktail wiener? Take my advice and investigate down south sooner rather than later.

Avoids Awkwardness

When there is so much sexual tension between the two of you, it tends to make things awkward. While courtship and dating are fun, a lot of the time dating is a bit of a drag. After all, isn’t all that dating just leading to the big finale of a climax? Having sex on the first date greatly reduces the anxiety that you both are experiencing and also eliminates all the trivial concerns that go with dating.

If you bang him on the first date, you don’t really need to worry so much about the impression you’re giving off on the second date – feel free to show up in yoga pants and a tank top because – guess what? He’s already seen you naked! The jig is up. And all those games that you play on the first few dates can also be eradicated – not sure about who is going to pay the check? Feel free to push that bill right over to him because, guess what? You sucked his dick last week. He can at least pay for dinner.

Investment of time

We are all busy and time-poor in today’s hectic world. Dating is a huge endeavor that not only sucks up your free time, but sometimes it could end up costing you money; money that you can be spending on those new shoes, liposuction or Botox.

Sex, on the other hand, is a good gauge of whether all this effort is worth it, so why go through countless dates only to find out that hey – maybe you don’t want his penis in you? Alternatively, if you bang him right away, you can make an informed decision about whether you want to invest anymore of your valuable time and money into this man.

Let’s face it – we are busy ladies. F*ck being coy – go out and get laid. If it feels right, do it.
Good things comes to those who wait? I say wait too long and no one gets to come.

The Trophy Wife
Photo Credit: The Paper Wall
@_Trophy_Wife
www.LifeofaTrophyWife.com

Sunny California!

November 16th, 2013 by

We’ve been having some good times in sunny California visiting some of our friends, printing companies, and warehouses! We decided to have a last minute photo shoot in the middle of the road and dodge traffic with Zach’s girlfriend and Nick! Check out Nick’s Twerking video and some pics of our products in the Sunny California weather!

Check Nick and Morgan rocking some of our crazy designs: Amanda Bynes, Run The Trap, Bluntslut, Antoni Tudisco’s art, Kerli’s all over print shirt, and more here!

new blog post

November 12th, 2013 by

Doctor: Pubic Hair Bush decreases your chance in getting MRSA!

A doctor explains why Americans’ penchant for a hairless pubic area is dangerous to our health.
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The following post first appeared on KevinMD.

I must have missed the declaration of war on pubic hair.

It must have happened sometime in the last decade because the amount of time, energy, money and emotion both genders spend on abolishing every hair from their genitals is astronomical.  The genital hair removal industry, including medical professionals who advertise their specialty services to those seeking the “clean and bare” look, is exponentially growing.

But why pick on the lowly pubic hair?  A few sociological theories suggest it has to do with cultural trends spawned by bikinis and thongs, certain hairless actors and actresses, a desire to return to childhood,  a misguided attempt at hygiene or being more attractive to a partner.  Surely human beings are not so naïve as to be susceptible to fashion trends and biases.

It is a sadly misconceived war.  Long ago surgeons figured out that shaving a body part prior to surgery actually increased rather than decreased surgical site infections.  No matter what expensive and complex weapons are used—razor blades, electric shavers, tweezers, waxing, depilatories,  electrolysis—hair, like crab grass,  always grows back and eventually wins.   In the mean time, the skin suffers the effects of the scorched battlefield.

Pubic hair removal naturally irritates and inflames the hair follicles left behind, leaving microscopic open wounds.  Rather than suffering a comparison to a bristle brush, frequent hair removal is necessary to stay smooth, causing regular irritation of the shaved or waxed area.  When that irritation is combined with the warm moist environment of the genitals, it becomes a happy culture media for some of the nastiest of bacterial pathogens, namely group A streptococcus, staphylococcus aureus and its recently mutated cousin methicillin resistant staph aureus (MRSA).   There is an increase in staph boils and abscesses, necessitating incisions to drain the infection, resulting in scarring that can be significant.   It is not at all unusual to find pustules and other hair follicle inflammation papules on shaved genitals.

Additionally, I’ve seen cellulitis (soft tissue bacterial infection without abscess) of the scrotum, labia and penis from spread of bacteria from shaving or from sexual contact with strep or staph bacteria from a partner’s skin.

Some clinicians are finding that freshly shaved pubic areas and genitals are also more vulnerable to herpes infections due to the microscopic wounds being exposed to virus carried by mouth or genitals.   It follows that there may be vulnerability to spread of other STIs as well.

Pubic hair does have a purpose,  providing cushion against friction that can cause skin abrasion and injury,  protection from bacteria and other unwanted pathogens, and is the visible result of long awaited adolescent hormones, certainly nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

It is time to declare a truce in the war on pubic hair, and allow it to stay right where it belongs.  We owe it to our patients to encourage them to let it be.

Emily Gibson is a family physician who blogs at Barnstorming.

This post first appeared on  KevinMD.